Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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