He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
