I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
