Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
