he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
