Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
