Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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