Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
