too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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