He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
