he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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