I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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