I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
