Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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