Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
