it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
