I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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