Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The air taste purple.
Randomize
