yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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