question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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