Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
