he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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