Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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