I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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