I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
