theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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