not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
