i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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