guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
