nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
