He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
