you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
