I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
