ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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