Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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