I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
