im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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