eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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