Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
