i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
