A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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