someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
