Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
