I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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