you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
