when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
