the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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