i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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