haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
