just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
