He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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