I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
