What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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