Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
