Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize