My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
