Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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