You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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