i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
