As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize