you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
