these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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