I wish I could punch you in the face.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
