im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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