you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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