took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
