Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
