I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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