There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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