His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
