I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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