I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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