Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
