I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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