I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
