Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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