put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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