dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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