You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
