3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
