I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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