Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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