I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i think my mom watched the whole time
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
