He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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