I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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