my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
