member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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