So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My dick has a subreddit
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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