How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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