I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
