Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
