I hate all girls vehemently.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
