nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
