Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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