My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Your penis caused this!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
