So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
