I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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