I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
