i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
