The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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