There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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