I cannot find my penis.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
