He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
