allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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