1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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