so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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