So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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