I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
