Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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