What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize