Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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