Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
