Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
