it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
