Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize