me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
