Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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