Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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