you guys were way drunker than both of me
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
