Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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