one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
