i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
