New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
