That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
