just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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