Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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