yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
